Ask, Seek, Knock

Ask and it will be given to you, seek and you will find, knock and the door shall be opened to you - Matt 7:7

When you're unsure what to ask for, or whether that you've received is what He actually gives you according to what you've asked for...that...is what a call a dilemma...why am I always in a dilemma...have I not learnt to hear better over the years? I wonder...

It's been a while since I was being reminded of that prayer again...an area which I didnt want to touch for a long time. Of course it's still in my nerves, my childhood dream...but having to go through history...I just wanted to shrug that off a little and think no more, hear no more, feel no more...hahaha...not ignorant...but ignoring! After all, life has so much more than that and probably I'm called to do other things...

But well, coming back, I started praying again...yes of course only He knows why and what makes me remembering that prayer. I cant help to admit, yes I'm afraid. Very. How would I ever know? How should I pray about it? I really have no idea. More mixture of feelings which I dont understand spoils the drink...well, I still by faith, asked anyway. Take it away if it's not Your will, remove my confusion if this is not from You, show me confirmations whether this is from You...that's the only few things I can think of...knowing Him, He works according to His own clock and calendar. Absolutely no rushing. He knows best when to place things in. So the art of knowing the answer is, W A I T. Not just plain waiting for add some flavors of T R U S T and P A T I E N C E in it...speaking from experience, you'll need it, trust me.

Yesterday I flared up within me when I saw that happened...I can feel the breathing difference and pressure from my prolapsed valve, but...why was I so angry? But truly, it hurts. 'kik sim' is the word in my mother tongue if you can understand. I feel so not myself...and I hate this feeling. Off to prayer I go...only in Him that I can find comfort and forgiveness...