road breakfast...

Troubled, I tried recalling my feelings of the experience on the road this morning...

Never a fan of cat, ask any friend of mine. But I had so much compassion for this little kitten, I saw it running to search for shelter (which sadly, they thought a dark spot, i.e under the wheel is a good spot...) Coming out from underneath the gold Myvi (which earlier the aunty gave me a evilish look when I was on a correct lane but her car just couldnt get pass), the kitten was running opposite traffic...and as I saw it reaching at the wheel of the red Kancil...I wanted to honk...I shouted in my car...I was panic...and with the slow traffic moving, myself at <10kmh to be exact...the little body was rolled over, twice, by a gigantic Kancil in it's terms...tried to struggle and move after the first, and no sign of life after the second.

I shouted. I wanted it to hear and run away. But it's now lifeless.
Too bad, this happened on the lane on my right. And obviously when I was too carried away...bang! Notice it's a small letter bang as it's just a minor hit...I got down the car, a small scratch on the Waja in front of me, the uncle asked why didn't I brake, I said I panicked when I saw the kitten hit by the car. The uncle saw. Some motorcyclist even stopped and lift up the small lifeless body and place on the grass nearby. The uncle said it's ok, no worries and no need to compensate. Thank God!

Got back into my car. Continue my driving. And unknowingly streams of tears just rolled out...I was never a fan of cats. Yet, I feel so sad for a life that has no soul, that does not have understanding on the purpose of being created and living. They are lives who, too, grasp for shelter, need tender care and, many times...fragile. The song 'Angel' by Mayday is playing...and the chorus just fits to voice out my desperation in need of reliance and strength. He's the Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the end.

像孩子依赖着肩膀
像眼泪依赖着脸庞
你就像天使一样给我依赖给我力量

像诗人依赖着月亮
像海豚依赖海洋
你是天使你是天使
你是我最初和最后的天堂

I thank God my fragile life is held in His hands.

A life, no more

There is a time for everything, Time to rejoice and time to mourn...Times that are easy and times that are the toughest to face...who can comprehend the marvelous creation of God and the joy that's from it? The arrival of a newborn in the hands of their proud parents...just like knowing the arrival of baby Lynn, baby Haley, baby Sophia, baby Chloe, baby YeeMun, baby Deron...I wished someday I'll hold my very own in my arms. I imagine a long corridor filled with pink and yellow decorations, warm and as you stroll down this lane, you see babies in their cradle...stretching themselves for activity, quieting themselves in a still sleep...

What about those forgotten ones? Those who secretly hoped so much that they will experience the joy of being parents? Those who have done all they could to have a joy of their own, to protect their little one...yet, surrender at the reality of science & doctors. We, mere human...He, give and take away...I couldnt forget that day when i saw the deep sorrowful face of the father, I knew, somehow, something wasn't right...and I can tell..it's with the baby. It is, and after today, it was. I couldn't bear the thought that the little life, so fragile and so wanting to live on, is going to be no more. I simply couldn't hold back my tears thinking of this. No eye will see, No ear will hear...but I know deep down, this is a creation of God. How can I possibly tell them to trust in God when the doctors say it's better to let go? How could I bear to see another tear from the mother's eyes when I know these words will only pierce her heart more? I couldn't.

- fiat justitia et pereat mundus -

I simply couldn't do that, this time. I'm sorry...I knew it hurt You more, for a life you created, are now no more...A choice made, a day which the lovely corridor is greyish and cold...A life, no more...

:'(