Lingering thoughts...

The usual two hour drive back from home seems passing by so fast today...I can't even complete my set of thinking...or probably it was God's plan that He didnt want me to think too much...I started disliking the wandering thoughts in my mind...somehow I wished they had not exist. Well why wouldn't I? It's there when I wished it wasn't. It's there when I'm supposed to think about other more important things. And whether I like it or not...it's there when it feels like it. Have they asked my permission to linger in my mind?!

Furious...I guess this is one of the nights that I'm just plain angry at myself and I know every single reason why. Somehow I wished all these had not happened and I was just back where I was. I guess I would be happier. But this little voice is ringing in me saying 'I am the One, the Sovereign One'...okay okay...I know...I shouldn't have said that. But You know me, You know what I've gone through. You know how much I wanted to avoid this...You know how hard I tried...(well...maybe not hard enough) but You know that I can't...do this anymore.

I don't want to be like the light and weightless shawl hanging on the hanger...but part of me knew that You wanted me to trust you, and not use my wisdom & strength to work things out the way I wanted. This is a lesson that I have to learn again and again. The fact that this is bothering me so much...tells me off that I'm having such little faith! How could I doubt...after all the faithful journeys we had...how could I?

Quietly my prayer goes to You and I know You hear them. It doesn't matter how it goes...what matters is along the way You are walking with me and I shall not fear nor rush Your timing.

The smell of fresh air after a shower of rain, and the dimming night lights are my faithful companion at this hour. Amazed, I can watch them all night long and just let my eyes linger on the wide sky and moving cars...I love the sky just like that...still, wide & peaceful...just like Your assuring love for me.