Melodiously the familiar lines filled the air...I hadn't expect someone listening to this as I have never heard anyone did. Same words could mean so many different things especially when it's nearer to the 'it's complicated' state. Never had I wish to go thru yet the roller coaster of life does pass this very path on its track.
A step closer to what You prepared for me I hope. Yet, a still small voice tells me otherwise.
Flashback of the fallen tears wiped the screen cleaner, clearer and closer, to the reality.
Always on my side, are You. and you?
Showing posts with label Sharing. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Sharing. Show all posts
Monday, June 25, 2012
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
Thorny torn times...
It's a familiar walk, the feeling of every chilled thorn piercing through the skin reminds me vividly of it. Not a feeling that I fancy.
I bled as I went through those thoughts of it...because I feel so much for her. Solution that I myself wouldn't imagine trying, I couldnt picture that fragile kid through that real hard time. I know it's tough, dear. Yet there's so little that I can do. Sometimes I feel words break the beauty of companionship....yet silence compliments it.
Speechless, I am now. You alone know why. I thank God that in these thorny torn times You are our pillar of strength. May you walk us out with your grace....and God you bless the broken road, that led me straight to You.
I bled as I went through those thoughts of it...because I feel so much for her. Solution that I myself wouldn't imagine trying, I couldnt picture that fragile kid through that real hard time. I know it's tough, dear. Yet there's so little that I can do. Sometimes I feel words break the beauty of companionship....yet silence compliments it.
Speechless, I am now. You alone know why. I thank God that in these thorny torn times You are our pillar of strength. May you walk us out with your grace....and God you bless the broken road, that led me straight to You.
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
Ever tried grasping air?
Nearly hitting a year...there are heart pounding times which i have went through, heart aching times which i have yet want to mention. Ever since the passing of ma, it clears that line off entirely from my family tree...i realized i missed them more than before, wanting to talk to them more than before...probably because I will never get to anymore.
I begin to wonder why do we only treasure things when we are at the verge of losing it or lost it? Think, you'll know it applies to us all the time. Either we are too caught up with lives to realize it, or we are too comfortable with the existence of someone or something that we have taken them for granted. I urge myself, remind myself to not let any of these pass me by...every opportunity where i am able to touch lives.
At times i wonder, it's probably not too good a thing...yet it is just so me. God created me with these qualities which i sometimes dont know it's good or bad, and love yet hate. He taught me to trust that He knows best, and He created me specifically with these qualities for His glory.
Sitting by the window where i thought about the nights earlier, the blurred vision and the sudden wake doesn't seem to jive. I know the math and i know the answer....yet you don't get any marks if you don't show the calculation process...now that's the hardest to score....Ever tried grasping air with your hands? At that point it's exactly how it feels like....it's real, but you will never be able to hold it. You gotta keep inhaling, keep going, not giving up, in order to enjoy air the careful planned way it's supposed to be. Why? I dont know, but He does.
I begin to wonder why do we only treasure things when we are at the verge of losing it or lost it? Think, you'll know it applies to us all the time. Either we are too caught up with lives to realize it, or we are too comfortable with the existence of someone or something that we have taken them for granted. I urge myself, remind myself to not let any of these pass me by...every opportunity where i am able to touch lives.
At times i wonder, it's probably not too good a thing...yet it is just so me. God created me with these qualities which i sometimes dont know it's good or bad, and love yet hate. He taught me to trust that He knows best, and He created me specifically with these qualities for His glory.
Sitting by the window where i thought about the nights earlier, the blurred vision and the sudden wake doesn't seem to jive. I know the math and i know the answer....yet you don't get any marks if you don't show the calculation process...now that's the hardest to score....Ever tried grasping air with your hands? At that point it's exactly how it feels like....it's real, but you will never be able to hold it. You gotta keep inhaling, keep going, not giving up, in order to enjoy air the careful planned way it's supposed to be. Why? I dont know, but He does.
Monday, January 17, 2011
One way street
Taking a wrong lane led me to a longer way home today. The everyday road towards home which is so familiar...yet i took a wrong way....despite the familiarities....times where rationalities are clouded by a dreaming mind....
How many times have i taken a longer way towards my destiny because of a wrong turn, a wrong exit, a wrong lane, or led by a wrong gps signal? Numerous. I wonder if i could see the map of my life in the eyes of His, and probably i'll laugh at my stupidity and blurness of taking all the wrong ways, which took me to a longer route towards where i'm supposed to be earlier. Yet His assuring words says, "For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future". And not only that, He does everything in His time.
He foreknew the turns i would take, far before i arrived at the crossroad. Why then? Didnt You alert me? Why didnt You grab me before i took that way. I did, He says....but I love you too much to make you a robot, which is why I let you choose. Choices. Sometimes I really hate them. Too little, we complain boring; too many, we became indecisive. They say women are hard to please. Sometimes i kinda agree :) Worst, after all the considerations, it's still a wrong choice, that's what i dreaded.
Am i too a perfectionist that i cant stand a mistake in my life? Or rather, is that i wish there were better ways to learn lessons instead of going thru the hard ways, which i chose them. Sometimes I tend to forget, and i guess people around me forget too...that i, am not a superwoman. Just a mere human sustained by His everlasting grace.
And i'm in need of more, to stay on the one way street leading me back Home....
How many times have i taken a longer way towards my destiny because of a wrong turn, a wrong exit, a wrong lane, or led by a wrong gps signal? Numerous. I wonder if i could see the map of my life in the eyes of His, and probably i'll laugh at my stupidity and blurness of taking all the wrong ways, which took me to a longer route towards where i'm supposed to be earlier. Yet His assuring words says, "For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future". And not only that, He does everything in His time.
He foreknew the turns i would take, far before i arrived at the crossroad. Why then? Didnt You alert me? Why didnt You grab me before i took that way. I did, He says....but I love you too much to make you a robot, which is why I let you choose. Choices. Sometimes I really hate them. Too little, we complain boring; too many, we became indecisive. They say women are hard to please. Sometimes i kinda agree :) Worst, after all the considerations, it's still a wrong choice, that's what i dreaded.
Am i too a perfectionist that i cant stand a mistake in my life? Or rather, is that i wish there were better ways to learn lessons instead of going thru the hard ways, which i chose them. Sometimes I tend to forget, and i guess people around me forget too...that i, am not a superwoman. Just a mere human sustained by His everlasting grace.
And i'm in need of more, to stay on the one way street leading me back Home....
Thursday, December 30, 2010
So long, twenty ten....
A year that is ending with much relaxation as our young tigers won some Cup and entitle the whole nation a day off on new year's eve. I have decided much earlier that I'll have a day off this day to be away, just away from the pushy reality I'm in. I needed a break so badly to shake off the tensed moments and juggled up thoughts.
And today as I flash upon the happenings in 2010....this fragile soul of mine is filled with awe and reverence on how Sovereign He is. Every part of it, He has so carefully planned, and painted the picture so beautifully for me. I still couldn't put in words how could the final two weeks went oops but deep inside of me, I know that His assuring words in Jeremiah never fails. For He knows the plans He have for me, plans to prosper me and not to harm me, plans to give me a hope and a future.
Someone told me the other day that if we had known everything and have an answer to every 'why'.....we don't need the Almighty anymore. Simple profound truth. Mind boggling truth.
The chinese says a good starts marks half way to success...yet, the journey of faith is not about how we start....it's all about how we finish. I thank God today that this year end doesn't mark the end of my journey. I thank God today that I have a chance to come back to Him.
Father, I'm sorry, I've wronged You in my sinful ways, but I thank You that You forgive me, and love me as I am. Thank You.
I want to finish well, I pray.
And today as I flash upon the happenings in 2010....this fragile soul of mine is filled with awe and reverence on how Sovereign He is. Every part of it, He has so carefully planned, and painted the picture so beautifully for me. I still couldn't put in words how could the final two weeks went oops but deep inside of me, I know that His assuring words in Jeremiah never fails. For He knows the plans He have for me, plans to prosper me and not to harm me, plans to give me a hope and a future.
Someone told me the other day that if we had known everything and have an answer to every 'why'.....we don't need the Almighty anymore. Simple profound truth. Mind boggling truth.
The chinese says a good starts marks half way to success...yet, the journey of faith is not about how we start....it's all about how we finish. I thank God today that this year end doesn't mark the end of my journey. I thank God today that I have a chance to come back to Him.
Father, I'm sorry, I've wronged You in my sinful ways, but I thank You that You forgive me, and love me as I am. Thank You.
I want to finish well, I pray.
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
The ugly truth
Wonder why movie was named so....probably those type that A would love to watch :)
Not knowing what is it related, I ponder upon the word ugly....are all truths ugly? The most profound truth for mankind, still rejected unto this day, I could find no words to describe its significance in my life. But using the word beautiful to describe that truth? Ugly does sounds closer. No amount of description for ugliness represents the heart of the Romans at that very time, the hatred they spat, the mortal weakness they cherish.....A beautiful solution, an ugly truth.
I begin recalling that most of the time, truths are ugly, but it carries the most important element in it, it's none but the truth. When the true colors of mankind's nature first shown, A&E had to be chased out of Eden, it was ugly. The package of truth comes also with guilt, shame, pain, hurt and worst of all unforgiveness. Many years ago someone told me that forgiveness is a choice. A choice we could all make, crossing the thin fine line of punishing yourself and others into the freedom of facing the truth.
The ugly truth that is hammering me, and pinching my every bit to be awaken from the dream.....that dream? this dream? which dream? It's not important anymore.....Ouch~ I realized I am mere human, I too, know how pain is like, how hurt is like. Not saying ouch, doesnt mean I don't feel it, doesnt mean I'm immune to it. Interesting devotion I read this morning, Selwyn is writing about me. I am not to deny or to express the unpositive emotions, but acknowledge it. It's there, nothing can deny. It'l be there, even if I express. It'l be gone, when I acknowledge my meekness and let Him heal me.
Be calm, be brave, vivid words that cloud my mind. You are my strength, my hope, like no other.
Not knowing what is it related, I ponder upon the word ugly....are all truths ugly? The most profound truth for mankind, still rejected unto this day, I could find no words to describe its significance in my life. But using the word beautiful to describe that truth? Ugly does sounds closer. No amount of description for ugliness represents the heart of the Romans at that very time, the hatred they spat, the mortal weakness they cherish.....A beautiful solution, an ugly truth.
I begin recalling that most of the time, truths are ugly, but it carries the most important element in it, it's none but the truth. When the true colors of mankind's nature first shown, A&E had to be chased out of Eden, it was ugly. The package of truth comes also with guilt, shame, pain, hurt and worst of all unforgiveness. Many years ago someone told me that forgiveness is a choice. A choice we could all make, crossing the thin fine line of punishing yourself and others into the freedom of facing the truth.
The ugly truth that is hammering me, and pinching my every bit to be awaken from the dream.....that dream? this dream? which dream? It's not important anymore.....Ouch~ I realized I am mere human, I too, know how pain is like, how hurt is like. Not saying ouch, doesnt mean I don't feel it, doesnt mean I'm immune to it. Interesting devotion I read this morning, Selwyn is writing about me. I am not to deny or to express the unpositive emotions, but acknowledge it. It's there, nothing can deny. It'l be there, even if I express. It'l be gone, when I acknowledge my meekness and let Him heal me.
Be calm, be brave, vivid words that cloud my mind. You are my strength, my hope, like no other.
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
our love, His love...
If you love something, set it free
If it comes back to you, it's yours
If it doesn't, it was never meant to be...
He loves me, sets me free
He waits for me to come back
He walks with me even when I wander away...
Only He, sees the depth of my heart and love me the same.
If it comes back to you, it's yours
If it doesn't, it was never meant to be...
He loves me, sets me free
He waits for me to come back
He walks with me even when I wander away...
Only He, sees the depth of my heart and love me the same.
Friday, December 24, 2010
Christmas. Blessed.
I wonder why everytime the familiar voice of Sheryl Crow and Sting never fail to soothe me a little. Somehow, the words that doesn't bring much meaning, but the tune that fills the heart is something i couldn't really explain....warm, and touching...
What a christmas, 2010. Things deep in the heart that only me and the Almighty will ever know, those that meant to be bottled and shared during my time alone, because I know that only in Him I will be loved just because I am me, fearfully and wonderfully made. Fairytales are made for princesses....like me ;)
Will be unwrapping the Christmas gift i got for myself....The Chronicles of Narnia...that's what Christmas is all about...unwrapping and discovering the One important gift of all!
This Christmas, I am blessed.
What a christmas, 2010. Things deep in the heart that only me and the Almighty will ever know, those that meant to be bottled and shared during my time alone, because I know that only in Him I will be loved just because I am me, fearfully and wonderfully made. Fairytales are made for princesses....like me ;)
Will be unwrapping the Christmas gift i got for myself....The Chronicles of Narnia...that's what Christmas is all about...unwrapping and discovering the One important gift of all!
This Christmas, I am blessed.
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
December 2010
When familiar faces are no longer around, heart warming voices are miles apart, encouragement and concerns are only through a link between continents...these times, are the loneliest, quietest, longest.
A silent night where I remember those laughter and tensed moments that we shared. I miss you, friends who are everywhere in the world, who are in my connection in the borderless cyber world. I do, miss you.
Jingles and carols are reminding me of a joyous season, remembering the birth of Christ, sounding the whistle towards the end of the year's chapter. 5 goals, I remember, all 5 of them. I did 3. Praise God!
With an unknown road forward, I know I must plan for time to plan. Given wisdom and knowledge, it's too big a responsibility of wasting time, talent and treasure, that are assigned unto me. A new year coming ahead...exciting journey filled with uncertainties...His love endures forever. Never will He leave me, never will He forsake me.
A silent night where I remember those laughter and tensed moments that we shared. I miss you, friends who are everywhere in the world, who are in my connection in the borderless cyber world. I do, miss you.
Jingles and carols are reminding me of a joyous season, remembering the birth of Christ, sounding the whistle towards the end of the year's chapter. 5 goals, I remember, all 5 of them. I did 3. Praise God!
With an unknown road forward, I know I must plan for time to plan. Given wisdom and knowledge, it's too big a responsibility of wasting time, talent and treasure, that are assigned unto me. A new year coming ahead...exciting journey filled with uncertainties...His love endures forever. Never will He leave me, never will He forsake me.
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Are you confirmed?
A simple shout - I'm confirmed, you'd be surprise on the comments I got...
Confirmation, is a good news to share. People rejoice over it because of the goodbyes to uncertainty and welcome the good gift of identity, which assures being a part of the family and to enjoy the privilege of becoming one. Well, at least that's how I feel when I got the letter in hand :)
While most people cherish the joy of being confirmed in their job and in marriage...how many out there cherish the confirmation of a place in paradise? It's not deemed to be an In-Thing nowadays to welcome the good gift of salvation, that is freely given to us. Because there's no good thing that doesn't require us to pay? Because it's not important, needless to say that it's a priority? Or because people are too ignorant to know that we are in need of One?
The joy of being confirmed as His heir, a far greater identity than any could hope for, a far bigger gift than any could ever imagine...it's yours for free, if you know and reach out your hand to receive.
I'm confirmed. Are you?
Confirmation, is a good news to share. People rejoice over it because of the goodbyes to uncertainty and welcome the good gift of identity, which assures being a part of the family and to enjoy the privilege of becoming one. Well, at least that's how I feel when I got the letter in hand :)
While most people cherish the joy of being confirmed in their job and in marriage...how many out there cherish the confirmation of a place in paradise? It's not deemed to be an In-Thing nowadays to welcome the good gift of salvation, that is freely given to us. Because there's no good thing that doesn't require us to pay? Because it's not important, needless to say that it's a priority? Or because people are too ignorant to know that we are in need of One?
The joy of being confirmed as His heir, a far greater identity than any could hope for, a far bigger gift than any could ever imagine...it's yours for free, if you know and reach out your hand to receive.
I'm confirmed. Are you?
Thursday, August 12, 2010
Still a child
Back to childhood
When time is longer
When mummy is younger
When doubts are greater
When dreams are further
When ideas are crazier
When roads are cleaner
When people are nicer
When friends are closer
When lifestyle is healthier
When hope is higher
When laughter is easier
When faith is simpler
Longing to go back in time
Where I will never be allowed to
Times when I can cry out loud for the simplest things
Not knowing that I can have the inability to do so one day
Yet when the world around is like a whirlwind
I am still welcomed
By the familiar Arms, wide opened
When time is longer
When mummy is younger
When doubts are greater
When dreams are further
When ideas are crazier
When roads are cleaner
When people are nicer
When friends are closer
When lifestyle is healthier
When hope is higher
When laughter is easier
When faith is simpler
Longing to go back in time
Where I will never be allowed to
Times when I can cry out loud for the simplest things
Not knowing that I can have the inability to do so one day
Yet when the world around is like a whirlwind
I am still welcomed
By the familiar Arms, wide opened
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
LOVE = R-I-S-K
爱真的需要勇气...the tune of Fish Leong's famous song was lingering in my mind as I got back from a short prayer time earlier...the phrase "what I need is courage" is hammering my thoughts so hard that I could feel it so strong...
Many times in our lives, we make choices to love. You choose to love the food you like, love the people who are dear to you, love the things you own, love the environment you're in...which is why I always believe that there's no such thing as 'I can't stop myself from loving...' As a matter of fact, it's a choice that we make, to love and not to love.
But what happens when you are called to love someone that you find so hard to love yet have no choice but to obey? Especially when you know you're vulnerable and prone to hurt, not just to yourself but possibly to others whom you love. [Selah]
I paused as I ended that sentence...someOne was called to love me, who are so imperfect and so hard to love, He knows He's vulnerable and compassion enough for me, and prone to be hurt by me, yet, He chose to obey. With that, I got my answer for tonight.
Love is many times spelt as R-I-S-K...I find so hard to take the step to continue loving, or loving more, I find myself drawing a boundary saying enough, I don't wanna know more...I don't have the courage to love, is because I don't want to take the risk. I'd rather keep in my comfort zone and do what I thought best. But someOne risked His life and took the costly way to redeem my life. And just as I was wondering how much would it cost me, I was told it's free. What if He turned around and decided at that very hour that I wasn't that worth for Him to love? Hopes dashed and burnt into ashes. But He took the risk. Loved me just as I am. And for the first time in my life, I too, took the risk to love someOne that I have never seen. By faith alone. If I can see everything that is happening ahead from me, that why do I need faith anyway?
What I got was grace. What I could give, is only grace.
Many times in our lives, we make choices to love. You choose to love the food you like, love the people who are dear to you, love the things you own, love the environment you're in...which is why I always believe that there's no such thing as 'I can't stop myself from loving...' As a matter of fact, it's a choice that we make, to love and not to love.
But what happens when you are called to love someone that you find so hard to love yet have no choice but to obey? Especially when you know you're vulnerable and prone to hurt, not just to yourself but possibly to others whom you love. [Selah]
I paused as I ended that sentence...someOne was called to love me, who are so imperfect and so hard to love, He knows He's vulnerable and compassion enough for me, and prone to be hurt by me, yet, He chose to obey. With that, I got my answer for tonight.
Love is many times spelt as R-I-S-K...I find so hard to take the step to continue loving, or loving more, I find myself drawing a boundary saying enough, I don't wanna know more...I don't have the courage to love, is because I don't want to take the risk. I'd rather keep in my comfort zone and do what I thought best. But someOne risked His life and took the costly way to redeem my life. And just as I was wondering how much would it cost me, I was told it's free. What if He turned around and decided at that very hour that I wasn't that worth for Him to love? Hopes dashed and burnt into ashes. But He took the risk. Loved me just as I am. And for the first time in my life, I too, took the risk to love someOne that I have never seen. By faith alone. If I can see everything that is happening ahead from me, that why do I need faith anyway?
What I got was grace. What I could give, is only grace.
Thursday, July 8, 2010
Game Over
Never a football fan, nor someone who understood football. I actually set time apart to watch 3 matches this FIFA WC 2010. Can you believe it? You better do :)
I must say that I really gained a lot of knowledge about football...now I can understand why people likes staring at a screen with 20 over guys running after a tiny ball in a gigantic field. Well, at least that's what I did too, and I enjoyed. It's more than passing the ball and scoring the goal, each technique the players used to control the ball, passing the ball, and even some foul movements that looks so unreasonable but the referee didnt whistle, has a purpose and skill behind. Though I may not know how to kick it, but I truly start to like watching.
The only 3 matches I watched was GER vs ENG, GER vs ARG & GER vs ESP. I didnt actually recall when did I start supporting the Nazis. All in all, I still think they put up with a good team fighting spirit this WC. Set aside my fav Klose, all others were equally good and instead of some big players in the event that has a couple of super kickers in the team, not to mention that ENG really is disappointing, GER has what we call a football TEAM. [Say what you like, this is what I think. Yes, as a first-timer!]
It was a tensed match between GER & ESP. The Spanish were bulls enough where the Germans were defensive and reserved. If Muller is on the field it could be another different story. Some say Paul the blur sotong is the one mastering this whole game, with a convincing 100% correct prediction towards the German's matches. I wonder how many people change their minds on betting based on the sotong's prediction...I prayed hard for the sotong to be wrong, coz it's saddening to see people 'worshipping' it rather than the Maker. But He has greater plans. The Germans had to lose so that no more predictions from the sotong for WC Final. Or else, how many more will be affected by gambling their life away, and worse still based on the trust in a sotong...goodness!
A young and agressive squad, with a strong goalie, good attacking & defending skills, I really hope they will make it back in the next WC. Till then, let's see how the Spanish bulls kick out the potatoes~
I must say that I really gained a lot of knowledge about football...now I can understand why people likes staring at a screen with 20 over guys running after a tiny ball in a gigantic field. Well, at least that's what I did too, and I enjoyed. It's more than passing the ball and scoring the goal, each technique the players used to control the ball, passing the ball, and even some foul movements that looks so unreasonable but the referee didnt whistle, has a purpose and skill behind. Though I may not know how to kick it, but I truly start to like watching.
The only 3 matches I watched was GER vs ENG, GER vs ARG & GER vs ESP. I didnt actually recall when did I start supporting the Nazis. All in all, I still think they put up with a good team fighting spirit this WC. Set aside my fav Klose, all others were equally good and instead of some big players in the event that has a couple of super kickers in the team, not to mention that ENG really is disappointing, GER has what we call a football TEAM. [Say what you like, this is what I think. Yes, as a first-timer!]
It was a tensed match between GER & ESP. The Spanish were bulls enough where the Germans were defensive and reserved. If Muller is on the field it could be another different story. Some say Paul the blur sotong is the one mastering this whole game, with a convincing 100% correct prediction towards the German's matches. I wonder how many people change their minds on betting based on the sotong's prediction...I prayed hard for the sotong to be wrong, coz it's saddening to see people 'worshipping' it rather than the Maker. But He has greater plans. The Germans had to lose so that no more predictions from the sotong for WC Final. Or else, how many more will be affected by gambling their life away, and worse still based on the trust in a sotong...goodness!
A young and agressive squad, with a strong goalie, good attacking & defending skills, I really hope they will make it back in the next WC. Till then, let's see how the Spanish bulls kick out the potatoes~
Thursday, June 24, 2010
A new beginning...
Thinking about the 2 weeks, I closed my eyes and said a little prayer in my heart. Thank You. Are the words that filled me. I'm happy. And I can't help to have a smile.
The night before was a late one for me, is this us? the ones whom You have chosen to die for? Is this how You expect us to be? I woke up with a psalm of praise assuring that He is eternal, unchangeable, infinite, no matter who we are, what we do and how we behave.
In awe of His great plan, I am truly grateful for what God has done for me. Given His life for me, and still commit to never leave nor forsake me.
The 2 weeks that has passed, I'm in this new place, beginning another chapter of my life. Moments of fear or reluctance are no more. I am at peace, and know deep in my heart that He is, again, carefully planning every single part of my life. Crossing through another hurdle in my life, which togetherly struck me last year, I came out stronger, tougher, and more determined knowing that if He is with me, who can be against me? I'm thankful for His favor, blessing me with friends in this place that are helpful, opening a harvest field for me to continue His work through my life. The messages of Cultural Mandate are seemingly convincing, and it begins a new push in me. I know, I am here, as a visible being for them to connect those who cannot see the eternal parakletos.
Thank God for His grace.
Thank God for friends that walked with me.
Thank God for opened doors.
Thank God, for when I don't understand, and when I can't see His hand, I can trust His heart.
I'm happy, really happy, today.
The night before was a late one for me, is this us? the ones whom You have chosen to die for? Is this how You expect us to be? I woke up with a psalm of praise assuring that He is eternal, unchangeable, infinite, no matter who we are, what we do and how we behave.
In awe of His great plan, I am truly grateful for what God has done for me. Given His life for me, and still commit to never leave nor forsake me.
The 2 weeks that has passed, I'm in this new place, beginning another chapter of my life. Moments of fear or reluctance are no more. I am at peace, and know deep in my heart that He is, again, carefully planning every single part of my life. Crossing through another hurdle in my life, which togetherly struck me last year, I came out stronger, tougher, and more determined knowing that if He is with me, who can be against me? I'm thankful for His favor, blessing me with friends in this place that are helpful, opening a harvest field for me to continue His work through my life. The messages of Cultural Mandate are seemingly convincing, and it begins a new push in me. I know, I am here, as a visible being for them to connect those who cannot see the eternal parakletos.
Thank God for His grace.
Thank God for friends that walked with me.
Thank God for opened doors.
Thank God, for when I don't understand, and when I can't see His hand, I can trust His heart.
I'm happy, really happy, today.
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
road breakfast...
Troubled, I tried recalling my feelings of the experience on the road this morning...
Never a fan of cat, ask any friend of mine. But I had so much compassion for this little kitten, I saw it running to search for shelter (which sadly, they thought a dark spot, i.e under the wheel is a good spot...) Coming out from underneath the gold Myvi (which earlier the aunty gave me a evilish look when I was on a correct lane but her car just couldnt get pass), the kitten was running opposite traffic...and as I saw it reaching at the wheel of the red Kancil...I wanted to honk...I shouted in my car...I was panic...and with the slow traffic moving, myself at <10kmh to be exact...the little body was rolled over, twice, by a gigantic Kancil in it's terms...tried to struggle and move after the first, and no sign of life after the second.
I shouted. I wanted it to hear and run away. But it's now lifeless.
Too bad, this happened on the lane on my right. And obviously when I was too carried away...bang! Notice it's a small letter bang as it's just a minor hit...I got down the car, a small scratch on the Waja in front of me, the uncle asked why didn't I brake, I said I panicked when I saw the kitten hit by the car. The uncle saw. Some motorcyclist even stopped and lift up the small lifeless body and place on the grass nearby. The uncle said it's ok, no worries and no need to compensate. Thank God!
Got back into my car. Continue my driving. And unknowingly streams of tears just rolled out...I was never a fan of cats. Yet, I feel so sad for a life that has no soul, that does not have understanding on the purpose of being created and living. They are lives who, too, grasp for shelter, need tender care and, many times...fragile. The song 'Angel' by Mayday is playing...and the chorus just fits to voice out my desperation in need of reliance and strength. He's the Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the end.
像孩子依赖着肩膀
像眼泪依赖着脸庞
你就像天使一样给我依赖给我力量
像诗人依赖着月亮
像海豚依赖海洋
你是天使你是天使
你是我最初和最后的天堂
I thank God my fragile life is held in His hands.
Never a fan of cat, ask any friend of mine. But I had so much compassion for this little kitten, I saw it running to search for shelter (which sadly, they thought a dark spot, i.e under the wheel is a good spot...) Coming out from underneath the gold Myvi (which earlier the aunty gave me a evilish look when I was on a correct lane but her car just couldnt get pass), the kitten was running opposite traffic...and as I saw it reaching at the wheel of the red Kancil...I wanted to honk...I shouted in my car...I was panic...and with the slow traffic moving, myself at <10kmh to be exact...the little body was rolled over, twice, by a gigantic Kancil in it's terms...tried to struggle and move after the first, and no sign of life after the second.
I shouted. I wanted it to hear and run away. But it's now lifeless.
Too bad, this happened on the lane on my right. And obviously when I was too carried away...bang! Notice it's a small letter bang as it's just a minor hit...I got down the car, a small scratch on the Waja in front of me, the uncle asked why didn't I brake, I said I panicked when I saw the kitten hit by the car. The uncle saw. Some motorcyclist even stopped and lift up the small lifeless body and place on the grass nearby. The uncle said it's ok, no worries and no need to compensate. Thank God!
Got back into my car. Continue my driving. And unknowingly streams of tears just rolled out...I was never a fan of cats. Yet, I feel so sad for a life that has no soul, that does not have understanding on the purpose of being created and living. They are lives who, too, grasp for shelter, need tender care and, many times...fragile. The song 'Angel' by Mayday is playing...and the chorus just fits to voice out my desperation in need of reliance and strength. He's the Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the end.
像孩子依赖着肩膀
像眼泪依赖着脸庞
你就像天使一样给我依赖给我力量
像诗人依赖着月亮
像海豚依赖海洋
你是天使你是天使
你是我最初和最后的天堂
I thank God my fragile life is held in His hands.
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
A life, no more
There is a time for everything, Time to rejoice and time to mourn...Times that are easy and times that are the toughest to face...who can comprehend the marvelous creation of God and the joy that's from it? The arrival of a newborn in the hands of their proud parents...just like knowing the arrival of baby Lynn, baby Haley, baby Sophia, baby Chloe, baby YeeMun, baby Deron...I wished someday I'll hold my very own in my arms. I imagine a long corridor filled with pink and yellow decorations, warm and as you stroll down this lane, you see babies in their cradle...stretching themselves for activity, quieting themselves in a still sleep...
What about those forgotten ones? Those who secretly hoped so much that they will experience the joy of being parents? Those who have done all they could to have a joy of their own, to protect their little one...yet, surrender at the reality of science & doctors. We, mere human...He, give and take away...I couldnt forget that day when i saw the deep sorrowful face of the father, I knew, somehow, something wasn't right...and I can tell..it's with the baby. It is, and after today, it was. I couldn't bear the thought that the little life, so fragile and so wanting to live on, is going to be no more. I simply couldn't hold back my tears thinking of this. No eye will see, No ear will hear...but I know deep down, this is a creation of God. How can I possibly tell them to trust in God when the doctors say it's better to let go? How could I bear to see another tear from the mother's eyes when I know these words will only pierce her heart more? I couldn't.
- fiat justitia et pereat mundus -
I simply couldn't do that, this time. I'm sorry...I knew it hurt You more, for a life you created, are now no more...A choice made, a day which the lovely corridor is greyish and cold...A life, no more...
:'(
What about those forgotten ones? Those who secretly hoped so much that they will experience the joy of being parents? Those who have done all they could to have a joy of their own, to protect their little one...yet, surrender at the reality of science & doctors. We, mere human...He, give and take away...I couldnt forget that day when i saw the deep sorrowful face of the father, I knew, somehow, something wasn't right...and I can tell..it's with the baby. It is, and after today, it was. I couldn't bear the thought that the little life, so fragile and so wanting to live on, is going to be no more. I simply couldn't hold back my tears thinking of this. No eye will see, No ear will hear...but I know deep down, this is a creation of God. How can I possibly tell them to trust in God when the doctors say it's better to let go? How could I bear to see another tear from the mother's eyes when I know these words will only pierce her heart more? I couldn't.
- fiat justitia et pereat mundus -
I simply couldn't do that, this time. I'm sorry...I knew it hurt You more, for a life you created, are now no more...A choice made, a day which the lovely corridor is greyish and cold...A life, no more...
:'(
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Serenity Prayer
How many times have we come accross situations where we couldn't change? Face trials where we couldn't do a thing?
At these times, our talents, skills, strengths, abilities all seem to burst into air, and turn into ashes...
At these times, prayer, is the only thing that matters, that will move mountains, that is above all ability, that is able to give us peace.
I can't help to startle at the amplitude of stress from surroundings that overwhelms my soul...I couldn't take a step further without quieting down and run back to Him for energy...yet His word says, 'Take heart, I have overcome it all...' This is He, the Mighty One, the I AM.
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and the wisdom to know the difference...
At these times, our talents, skills, strengths, abilities all seem to burst into air, and turn into ashes...
At these times, prayer, is the only thing that matters, that will move mountains, that is above all ability, that is able to give us peace.
I can't help to startle at the amplitude of stress from surroundings that overwhelms my soul...I couldn't take a step further without quieting down and run back to Him for energy...yet His word says, 'Take heart, I have overcome it all...' This is He, the Mighty One, the I AM.
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and the wisdom to know the difference...
Thursday, April 15, 2010
A Climate Change...
I once heard this saying, If you love something, set it free, if it comes back to you, it is yours. If it does not, it was never meant to be.
Parting, is one of the most difficult thing in life that I have to learn to deal with. Sometimes it just cost us so much of emotional drain, just to let go of someone or even merely something that is dear to us. When we first started GEPC, we are carrying a vision that this will be a church to disciple young people, build up leaders, discover and expand potentials, and send out people that will walk forth the path with the gospel of peace. And until today, this vision has never fail to encourage us to keep going, to answer the call that God has for our lives.
Trust me, it was never easy to have people that is so dear leaving you one by one, year by year…But having to see young people answering callings in lives and going forth to proclaim His good news in places they will be placed, never fail to give me the blessed assurance that His word is ever true as written in Jeremiah 29:11. Through these years God has helped me to learn the art of ‘parting’ and learn to be stronger. So everyone is leaving, ‘what about me?’ was a question I asked years ago. ‘where would I go?’ is another one…and ‘what is my calling and mission field?’ still keep ringing in my mind…
A pastor whom I truly respect told me this, ‘we have to learn to have a burden for people around us…no matter where we are placed’…this simply message touched my heart so much that I have thought over it for weeks. Yes…indeed at this point of time in my life, this is where God has placed me and THIS is my mission field. He has called me to serve and disciple and THIS is where I will build His church and the gates of hades shall not prevail against it! So does it matter too much where we wanna go so badly? Or matter so much when our brother or sister have to leave to somewhere else where God has placed him/her there?
Emotionally…I think I will still say yes, no doubt I’m still human. But the peace of mind given by Him that surpasses all understanding has taught me to learn the word SOVEREIGN. He plans best and never makes mistakes. So if you are reading this and you’re the one going to be sent out as ‘lambs among the wolves’ to where He has destined you to be, Fear Not, my brother & sister. We have a Hope that is ever sure.
In the next few months we will be going through a time of testing. More than half of the campus leaders will be called to the next phase of their lives. It will be a testing stage for those leaving as well as those remaining.
Some already asked, what will happen next? Well, I can assure you there’s no magic that anyone can do but our prayers and faith in God is definitely gonna turn the situation the way He purposed it! Phil Pringle once preached, a church grows in the climate of war…when we are weak we shall be made strong!
Into Your hands Lord, we entrust GEPC to you. Bring us through this climate of war!
Parting, is one of the most difficult thing in life that I have to learn to deal with. Sometimes it just cost us so much of emotional drain, just to let go of someone or even merely something that is dear to us. When we first started GEPC, we are carrying a vision that this will be a church to disciple young people, build up leaders, discover and expand potentials, and send out people that will walk forth the path with the gospel of peace. And until today, this vision has never fail to encourage us to keep going, to answer the call that God has for our lives.
Trust me, it was never easy to have people that is so dear leaving you one by one, year by year…But having to see young people answering callings in lives and going forth to proclaim His good news in places they will be placed, never fail to give me the blessed assurance that His word is ever true as written in Jeremiah 29:11. Through these years God has helped me to learn the art of ‘parting’ and learn to be stronger. So everyone is leaving, ‘what about me?’ was a question I asked years ago. ‘where would I go?’ is another one…and ‘what is my calling and mission field?’ still keep ringing in my mind…
A pastor whom I truly respect told me this, ‘we have to learn to have a burden for people around us…no matter where we are placed’…this simply message touched my heart so much that I have thought over it for weeks. Yes…indeed at this point of time in my life, this is where God has placed me and THIS is my mission field. He has called me to serve and disciple and THIS is where I will build His church and the gates of hades shall not prevail against it! So does it matter too much where we wanna go so badly? Or matter so much when our brother or sister have to leave to somewhere else where God has placed him/her there?
Emotionally…I think I will still say yes, no doubt I’m still human. But the peace of mind given by Him that surpasses all understanding has taught me to learn the word SOVEREIGN. He plans best and never makes mistakes. So if you are reading this and you’re the one going to be sent out as ‘lambs among the wolves’ to where He has destined you to be, Fear Not, my brother & sister. We have a Hope that is ever sure.
In the next few months we will be going through a time of testing. More than half of the campus leaders will be called to the next phase of their lives. It will be a testing stage for those leaving as well as those remaining.
Some already asked, what will happen next? Well, I can assure you there’s no magic that anyone can do but our prayers and faith in God is definitely gonna turn the situation the way He purposed it! Phil Pringle once preached, a church grows in the climate of war…when we are weak we shall be made strong!
Into Your hands Lord, we entrust GEPC to you. Bring us through this climate of war!
Monday, March 1, 2010
Marching into March...
Didn't realize that I have not been blogging for almost a month, well not exactly as Feb is quite a short month. CNY is officially over last night...The eat, drink and be merry sessions were heart warming and something I really look forward to every year. This year however, is extremely hot at my sweet little hometown of Ipoh...it's just superrrrrrrrrrr hot and un-tahan-able...without air-cond and frequent showers it's hard to even stay still at home...thank God for the inventors of air conditioners.
The last weekend of the CNY was celebrated well in a little town called Seremban. A group of us were there for Leaders Retreat at STM, a local Theological Seminary. I'm thankful for the sessions that well blessed my heart and recharged my spirit, as well as bonding sessions of games which really sweat us all out! Too bad we didnt get to have the famous bbq crab or else the trip would be flawless...well, looking forward to the next one :)
Marching into March, it'll be busy months ahead...as usual...and i'm already lining up my schedule for the coming months. Weddings, Easter, Conferences, Trips...etc etc...For sure one of the items in the SMART list will be conquering that mountain...am really looking forward to it!
The last weekend of the CNY was celebrated well in a little town called Seremban. A group of us were there for Leaders Retreat at STM, a local Theological Seminary. I'm thankful for the sessions that well blessed my heart and recharged my spirit, as well as bonding sessions of games which really sweat us all out! Too bad we didnt get to have the famous bbq crab or else the trip would be flawless...well, looking forward to the next one :)
Marching into March, it'll be busy months ahead...as usual...and i'm already lining up my schedule for the coming months. Weddings, Easter, Conferences, Trips...etc etc...For sure one of the items in the SMART list will be conquering that mountain...am really looking forward to it!
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Defining church
To some people, the church is a building.
To some people, the church is only for nerds and boring people.
To some people, the church is an unimportant weekly routine subject to adjustments.
To some people, the church is a choice of entertainment when we have nothing better to do.
To some people, the church is a place to runaway from our problems.
To some people, the church is where we can take advantage of people who are friendly to us.
To some people, the church is a place to make me feel better after I've done wrong.
To some people, the church is according to my standards and likeness and if I don't like it, I'll walk away.
But...
According to Him, His church is righteous and holy.
According to Him, His church is faithful and true.
According to Him, His church is a tower of refuge.
According to Him, His church is a place for hearts to heal, for Christ to be revealed.
According to Him, His church is a light of the city.
According to Him, His church strengthens the weak.
According to Him, His church is strong and mighty.
According to Him, His church is just as He is.
"I will build My church and the gates of hades shall not prevail against it." Matt 16:18b
We are the church, we are His church. His church, is according to His definitions.
To some people, the church is only for nerds and boring people.
To some people, the church is an unimportant weekly routine subject to adjustments.
To some people, the church is a choice of entertainment when we have nothing better to do.
To some people, the church is a place to runaway from our problems.
To some people, the church is where we can take advantage of people who are friendly to us.
To some people, the church is a place to make me feel better after I've done wrong.
To some people, the church is according to my standards and likeness and if I don't like it, I'll walk away.
But...
According to Him, His church is righteous and holy.
According to Him, His church is faithful and true.
According to Him, His church is a tower of refuge.
According to Him, His church is a place for hearts to heal, for Christ to be revealed.
According to Him, His church is a light of the city.
According to Him, His church strengthens the weak.
According to Him, His church is strong and mighty.
According to Him, His church is just as He is.
"I will build My church and the gates of hades shall not prevail against it." Matt 16:18b
We are the church, we are His church. His church, is according to His definitions.
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